Operation Toothpaste: Beverages!

Sorry folks! My family went to Confession (we’re Catholics) and then to KFC and obviously time got wasted, so this ended up being quite a late post. My plan to post on something related to medicine sort of backfired – I guess you’ll never know what it was going to be about. Unless I decide to tell you… ;) Then I thought, maybe I could post on my awkward situations… but due to my time constraint, I’ll save that for next week.

So, of course, I’m coming out with the big guns. This is the one insight you will never be able to gauge unless you look my family in the eye, unless you truly understand what it means to suffer addiction.

This is my family’s struggle with beverages!

Oh no. I’m not talking beer. Or wine. Or anything alcoholic.

Because let’s face it, though the media may big up these supposedly precious liquids, the real winners in the beverage war are sneakier. These drinks target children. Adults too, but mainly children. No one pays attention to what children are addicted to, what children have cravings for. No, it’s not chocolate. Or fudge. No it’s not toffee either! Enough beating round the bush, you’re clearly not going to get it – it’s apple juice. That golden, amber liquid with flecks of light brown that isn’t very strong, but manages to entice so many to drown their sorrows that it looks like the Pied Piper of Hamelin in comparison to champagne.

I’m not joking. As a child I drank not sips but whole cups at once – and then refilled. A carton was finished once a day, but in a family of six where most of us enjoyed apple juice, this was not a difficult feat.

I say most of us. My younger sister and I are firmly tied to this cider for children. We have managed to tone down our tragic dependency, but we still finish off the carton in a few days. My older sister has a taste for carbon dioxide, which my younger sister and I despise, and has never had a sip of apple juice for years. As for her fruit juice tastes, she loves orange juice. It is a sad thing, that the family should be so divided by our choice of beverage, by our choice of lifestyle.

And my youngest sister, so sweet and carefree… she is an experimentalist, although she likes all juices in general. We know she will have to choose what side she is on, but for now we let her indulge in such exotics as Pineapple Juice and Mixed Fruit Juice. And yet, she also enjoys both apple and orange juice, not mentioning blackcurrant squash. Oh, youngest sister! I cry myself to sleep every night. I mourn in my pillow. Don’t you understand you must choose one drink and stick to it! I know that when you choose the whole family will be torn apart… How I dread the day. How I dread the day…

I advise the reader, with all my heart, please be wary… for many are beveragists, and many are sufferers of beveragism.

Joe.

Disclaimer: The author of this piece dramatized many of the issues at hand, such as the effects of beverages on his family, to make the story more enthralling. He does not cry himself to sleep every night, and enjoys orange juice whenever he goes to McDonalds. Thank you.

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