10 reasons why you haven’t caught RBM

Turn on the news right now. I dare you. Or take one look at a tabloid. You’ve been putting it off, I understand. Royal Baby Mania (or RBM) is spreading like a hybrid of the plague and Bieber Fever, and you most certainly do not want to catch it. But you’re simply putting off the inevitable.

There is no vaccine to what is otherwise known as acting-like-an-over-protective-mother-even-though-you-are-not-related-to-the-royal-baby syndrome (people generally prefer RBM). Your only hope is to lock your doors, close your windows, break your phone, dislocate your television, eat your Apple products, and purposefully unleash a virus onto your computer by delving into the dark alleyways of the internet…

But not before you’ve read this post. ;)

If you have not yet caught RBM, there are a number of reasons for this.

  1. You don’t live in Britain or America, or any country that has a reason to care (Commonwealth perhaps?). Yes, I’m looking at you, our cousins across the pond. If we’re usually quiet and reserved, I wonder how you’re reacting to the Royal Baby…
  2. You don’t like the monarchy. Now this is preposterous. Unless you’re republican, or stereotypically Irish, or envious of the monarchy’s money, or envious of Kate, or envious of their position, or just plain envious, or you’re allergic to corgis, or you’re a terrorist, or a political extremist, or all of the above (-_- don’t ask me, it could happen), who doesn’t love the monarchy? The queen is, to put it simply, awesome. And she has a sense of humour. And, believe it or not, people pay to catch a glimpse of her, though she doesn’t necessarily do much… I’m not sure if you can tell, but I’m a monarchist. ;)
  3. You hate babies. How can someone hate babies in general? They’re just so cute…

    Just look at them!

  4. You don’t really care. A baby is a baby, even if it could become the king of England. I mean, you’re happy for William and Catherine (no, you’re not going to call them Will and Kate, they’re not your close friends…) but does this really deserve a street party? Now here is a statement I can sympathize with. Am I the only one who finds it creepy how much attention we pay to people’s lives because they have some talent or they’re monarchy. Sure, zoom in on them kicking a ball, but no need to inspect every detail of their life. They’re paid to do their job, not to put up with loads of cameras. Sure we should be happy, but not in hysterics.
  5. You placed a lot of money on the royal baby being a girl. Hey don’t worry, everyone did…
  6. You need a scapegoat for your alcohol dependency, and blame the baby for all your problems! A bit extreme…
  7. Nothing is on! Everywhere on the radio, baby, baby, baby oh! Let’s face it, it’s Bieber fever all over again.
  8. You’re tee total and/or don’t like parties. You feel you should be having fun, but you can’t find the motivation to get out of bed or stop reading your book from a baby. I feel for you my brother or sister. I feel for you.
  9. You’re another baby, who is jealous of the attention that the Royal Baby is getting. Lady Gaga perhaps? *Joke is met with silence.*
  10. You’re the royal baby. Am I meant to be happy? I’m out of the womb. Reality has hit me hard…

So let’s face it, lots of people haven’t caught Royal Baby Mania. Why should they? It’s not like the world depends on it.

But they’re so cute…

Mr. T/ Snickers Man: Pull yourself together man! If I see you wishy-washy-wooing o’er a baby one more time, I’m gonna squash you flat with ma army tank. We clear?

Me: No.

Mr. T/ Snickers Man: Snickers – get some nuts!

Me: But I’m allergic…

Joe. Get some nuts people! Unless you’re allergic to them…

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