All Stars review!

If you read my previous post, you’ll know my family watched All Stars for my sister’s birthday. So this is my first ever movie review. I’m not promising any more movie posts, but perhaps I’ll consider (I also wanted to do more book posts, but that kind of failed).

First of all, All Stars is the perfectly stereotypical, clichéd street dance movie. For example:

  • The main character is stereotypical I-really-want-to-be-popular, Artful Dodger person whose parents are divorced. He is also smitten with a girl who ‘only dates dancers’.
  • There is a dancer who has been banned from dancing by his parents, who want him to concentrate on the entrance exam to a private school.
  • A karate kid girl who is smitten with her best friend (i.e. main character).
  • A chubby kid who dresses weirdly and is vaguely OK at dancing.
  • A brother and sibling couple who are unrealistically posh and do ballroom dancing.
  • Pretty much all of them are cringingly one-dimensional. There’s even a scene where the chubby kid is at a fast food restaurant, and asks the server ‘How’s the family doing?’ *Cringe*

Now we’ve got the characters out of the way, let’s deal with the plot…

  • There is a youth club where kids are ‘safe’ and ‘can be themselves’ is about to be closed down by a cruel councillor who wants a parking lot (hmm, haven’t seen this before).
  • The dancer kid teams up with main character to host a talent show to raise money. Main character wants to impress a girl with his ‘dance crew’.
  • They hold auditions for the talent show, while secretly looking for dancers, and end up having a crew of misfits.
  • Dancer kid fails epically at training them to dance.
  • Dancer kid realises that they can each do what they usually do and learn what the other people are doing. I.e. ballroom dancing, karate, b-boy, etc. (Stereotypical fusion dance!)
  • Proceed cheesy learning to dance sequence.
  • Dancer kid fails entrance exam, because he is too distracted thinking about dancing.
  • The kids realise the demolition of the youth club is on the same day as the talent show. Only the appeal can save them now!
  • Appeal fails because boyfriend of pretty girl who main character fancies has a fight with main character outside of the appeal room. Clearly the youth club is a house for violent kids and would be more aesthetically pleasing as a parking lot! Yeah, that makes perfect sense…
  • Main character storms off, repents, and regroups the dance crew apart from dancer kid, who does not want to further disappoint his parents.
  • They do the talent show without the youth club owner’s permission, and the demolition crew are forced to stand by because of the people inside.
  • Dancer kid comes back at the last minute because of a heartfelt video plea.
  • Against all odds, dance crew succeeds.

So yeah. It’s quite literally the definition of normal street dance movie. No wait, not quite – there were also loads of celebrity cameos. Now it’s the normal street dance movie.

There were also loads of completely unnecessary but cool dance sequences that the characters would daydream themselves into for no discernible reason, one of which is this.

There was also a tap-dancing one, but that was in my opinion completely out of place. One moment there are fish fingers in the oven, the next they’re tap-dancing. No sense whatsoever.

In the very beginning of the film, there was this voiceover, but luckily it disappeared after the first ten minutes. Even without it, it was cheesy. Very cheesy. As in this-whole-cinema-is-made-of-cheestrings cheesy.

But strangely… I liked it. I enjoyed it. It feels wrong to say, as it should be a really bad film. But it’s true.

And so I give this film…

Joe.

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