What’s in a name?

LOTS OF THINGS.

You might not think I come into trouble with a name like Joseph. In fact, as an Indian, people only get surprised because they expect me to have a more complicated name. Once I was in quiz match, and the quizmaster asked for my name. When I told him, he looked a little bemused, and then told everyone a funny story about how some other kid a while back had replied, “Call me Abs.”

Most of my moans come from whether or not to use Joe or Joseph. It’s not really a matter of which I prefer – I don’t even realise the difference when people talk to me and I only realised my sisters called me Joe after a decade or so. :P It’s more the first impression it gives.

Each name has its setbacks and advantages. Joe is more casual, easier to pronounce and less conspicuous, but I’ve always thought Joseph sounds classier. Besides, Joe (believe it or not) is more confusing to spell. In Yr 1, I made the mistake of asking my teacher to call me Joe. Every single time she was marking my work, it was written Jo, a girl’s name. This annoyed me greatly and I tried not to make the same mistake again.

In Yr 3, there was already someone called Joseph – so rather than mess about with initials, I was called Joseph and he was called Joe. I preferred it at the time, but in hindsight “Joe” got the better deal.

Then it came to secondary school. I thought I could reinvent myself, so I became Joe. I think it’s worked pretty well, but now after I’ve gotten to know everyone it doesn’t really make much difference. Joe, Joseph… it’s all the same to me really.

My main annoyance is when people don’t use Joe or Joseph but something entirely novel that I have not authorised. This one time I was at karate and a girl kept calling me Josh and then everyone starting calling me Josh. Luckily I protested and people have started calling me Joe or Joseph again.

I have had various other nicknames, but these have never been as wide spread. In school one of my friends used to call me Ioseph and Jsph (these are actually some real nicknames). Another calls me average Joe (or when I do something good, above-average Joe). Once a teacher (yes the same one from Year 1) called me ‘the baby of the class’ due to my summer holiday birthday.

On the internet I haven’t had many names, but I suppose technophile9 and techno-Joe count.

However most of my nicknames come from my family. Jojo, Mojo Jojo, Bro, Mini-Boy-[sister’s name] and Josephine are all the handiwork of my sisters. My parents used to call me a monkey, but not as much nowadays.

However most of these are ‘extinct’ nicknames, save Joe, technophile9 and more recently bro. I guess I’ve never been much of a nickname person.

What about you? Do you like nicknames? Undoubtedly I have missed some, but I think I’ve listed most of them.

Joe.

Note: Joseph means ‘God will increase’, which I like. :)

Advertisements

Accidental sass

It’s one thing trying to be funny and failing. Some of my friends will testify in a brutally honest way that this happens far too often. You know who you are. ;)

Then there’s trying to be taken seriously and ending up being funny. This is the main source of my humour – and it generally stems from my innate awkwardness. My life reads like a slapstick comedy…

But there is another rare phenomenon that people tend to forget. This phenomenon is called… accidental sass.

This is when you mean to be completely sincere and serious and it ends up being so sarcastic and sassy that things get hysterical very very quickly.

For instance, when I was in my last year of primary school, my teacher was showing round a high up teacher from the local comprehensive. I was one of the only ones who wasn’t going – so just my luck…

My teacher came round and said something along the lines of, “This is Joseph. He likes books.” and all of a sudden this guy was waffling about how beautiful the library was at his school, and how there were enough novels to fill a classroom, and on and on for a minute, before my teacher said, “He’s not going.”

The guy laughed it off, but then in an attempt to salvage his dignity, he said, “Would you go if I paid you?”

This is one of those questions were there is no right answer. If I had said yes, what did that say about me? That I was willing to take a bribe? I should have answered, “Maybe.”, but the thought didn’t even occur to me.

So I said no.

The man started laughing. So did my teacher.

“Hahaha… haha…” I said, although I had no idea why I was meant to be laughing.

“He has a funny sense of humour.” my teacher said, and dragged the ambassador away before I could mess things up any further.

I stood there for a moment, bemused at what had happened. And then it hit me. I had basically said, “I wouldn’t go to your school even if you paid me.”. I probably came across as Sherlock or something.

There’s another incident I can remember. One of my classmates had forgotten his PE shorts and needed some spare. When he asked me if he could borrow mine, I paused, and then said quite sincerely, “Only if you wear underpants underneath.”

Why do I post this now? Because this happened again, recently… but that’s a story for another time. Or never. :P

Joe.

P.S. The revision is going OK. I’m doing a lot more than last year, but I seem to be scraping through. I’m not sure how my past self managed to blog so often. :P

It was around this time

It was around this time last year that a Scottish English Catholic Indian called Joe was revising for his end of year exams and needed something he could use to procrastinate.

It was around this time that his friend’s blog, [insertnamehere] got 1000 views, and inspired Joe to make a blog.

It was around this time that he got some feedback from one of his previous blogs and wanted to try again.

It was around this time he published his first post, Welcome Earthlings, which was as follows:

Ahem. That was bad. But you’re still reading aren’t you? Unless you were put off…

Anyway, this is my first post. I love technology, and this will mainly be a technology blog, but keep in mind I may post the odd titbit every now and then. ;) I’ve done multiple blogs before, but none of them have really been successful. Recently I made a post on an old blog with my cousin, and I was surprised to find the post was recommended by another website.

But um… I didn’t want to continue on that blog because it had an *ahem* embarrassing URL. So here we are. By the way, my name’s Joe.

Hope to see you around. :)

It was around this time last year that he got his first like.

It was around this time last year that he got his first comment from [insertnamehere].

It was around this time last year that he had his first blogging interaction with someone he didn’t know in real life – Aliyaaaa.

It was around this time he got his first award.

And so forth.

***

WARNING: MUSHY STUFF

Thank you so much. I am very very happy. Probably one of the weirdest things is looking back on ‘past me’, that ever-naive person who blogged every day when he was meant to be revising (ah, bless) and thought this was going to be “mainly a technology blog”. (Is it OK to refer to “past me” in the third person?)

I do feel kind of ecstatic for obvious reasons that I’m not really sure of. At first I thought:

But then should I be happy? I mean, it was going to happen sometime. If I had never posted on this blog and left it as barren as my other ones, I still would have had this achievement. And yet the fact that so many other blogs (namely mine) have been abandoned but this one has not makes me feel quite… happy.

I suppose I should thank people. Mind this is not an exclusive list. But anyhow:

Thanks Aliyaaaa – you were the first person who legitimately took an interest in my blog who I didn’t know in real life.

Thanks [insertnamehere] and pessimistic leprechaun, for being my friends off and on the internet.

Thanks to the Indecisive Eejit, who followed me as the Geeky G4mer, and has given me, a young ‘un, lots of laughter (and some well-directed advice).

Thanks to Professor VJ Duke, for being generally professorish.

Thanks to Charlotte M, for showing me that I am not very good at fandoms.

Thanks to JED, for providing lots of post inspiration.

Thanks to mushroomsup, for nominating me for my first award and being hilarious.

Thanks to deepbluesandseafoamgreens, for despite being my most recent blog friend, her quirky posts and comments are pretty awesome.

Thanks to everyone who has ever commented, liked or followed. Thank you.

***

So I woke up this morning looking eagerly at my notifications to see if WordPress had presented me that shiny “Anniversary” trophy that everyone talks about – but it was not there. When I realised that I had to wait until 7:40 for my award, I did. BUT IT WAS NOT THERE.

And then an hour later I got the award. Phew. You almost scared me there WordPress. Why so cruel? D:

Unfortunately this means I started this post quite late and I still have quite a lot to go. This may hark back to the days of essay post Joe, so you have been warned. :P

How do I put this?

I am a deeply flawed human being (that was hard to write). And I thought I could do something like Lollipop Tuesday where I do a challenge every week… except this time each challenge would last a week, every week, for a year.

I could become one of those slightly spammy blogs that talk say things like, “YOU can improve YOUR life with this simple blog feature. I used to be so bad at life until I discovered this one weird trick! Life doctors hate me!!!”

So to avoid that, this will be a bit different from most sites that advocate ‘trying new things’. While that’s important, when it’s done wrong (and I would do it wrong) it can probably sound somewhat smug. I’m already quite the praise hog, so I would probably end up boasting of my new talents and putting everyone off.

So rather than learning new things, I will be fixing old things. Every week (starting now) I will flaunt my flaws to the public and have you laugh at me as I try and sort them out.

Yippee.

If I’ve planned it right, each week will focus on a particular flaw, like “procrastination” or “door slamming” or “bursts of nonsensical singing”. Each one will have a certain task attached to it, like “do your homework the day it’s set” or “don’t slam the door” or “have a sponsored silence”. Each week will have a reward… and a punishment. My family are all too happy to get involved with the punishment side of things – as for my friends, I know some of you will be eager to join in. ;)

I’m unsure how far this will go. The thing is, I haven’t actually made a complete list, so I’ll be making a lot of these up as I go along. :P Being the narcissist I am, 52 flaws might be a bit of a stretch for me to think of, but we’ll see.

At the end of this I could either be a  changed person, the same as I ever was, or a complete nervous wreck. Possibly all of those three.

Undoubtedly as I publish this at 11:00 very few of you will be reading this on the day, but that’s what you get for posting late. ;)

Here’s to another year!

Joe

P.S. This week’s challenge is “Exam Preparation” – I must revise at least two hours every day for a week. Normally the challenges will start on Monday, but this will start tomorrow because I haven’t actually done much revision today. :P The reward: undecided as of yet, but I’ll think of something. The punishment: one hour without the internet the day after if I break my revision streak – and the hour has to be when I’m on the computer, not when I’m doing something else.

I told this to my family, and the reaction was slightly more mixed than I expected. Some of them were on board, but another said that I’m training myself with operant conditioning. I’m not sure if this is inherently bad, but it was used on rats to make them press buttons in labs. o_O Not entirely reassuring, but I won’t be deterred.

Hello Again

It’s the half term! Unfortunately for schools around the world, summer half term is not a holiday, but an extended cramming session. There is no respite. No break. Only tears. Only cramming.

My end of years will start the week after I return to school. Toodle pip. Jolly ho (yep, that’s a thing). Yippee. Such fun….

Help me please.

To those who have supported this blog from its humble beginnings, this will sound very familiar.  It is because, only last year, I did a similar post moaning about how terrible my end of years were.

Here we go again.

This time I prepared a revision timetable and everything… but I lazed around the whole day today. That’s fine though. I’ll just move my rest day from tomorrow to today and start my serious revision tomorrow. Right?

I am straining to think of something I can talk about, but I just went to a confession so let’s blog about that. I’ve never really liked the wait before a confession. I like people to think the best of me, so it seems strange to blurt out my flaws to a stranger. In some ways, confessing your sins to an acquaintance can be better than confessing to a stranger, because although your friend has seen your good and bad sides, the stranger’s only impression of you is that you stepped on a cat’s tail last week.

I know what I should do. I should walk through London, tap someone on the shoulder, confess some sin, like “Oh hi. I’m a narcissist.”, and then walk away. It would make for a brilliant YouTube video too.

But being me, I couldn’t do that without trying to gain some sympathy. In reality, I would apologise profusely before confessing, and then afterwards I would say sorry again and wish them a nice day.

*facepalm*

It’s not that I’m that nice a person, I just hate making a bad impression.

On the other hand, you can’t disappoint or surprise a stranger. They have no idea what standards they should judge you by. In real life, the saintly person who has, I don’t know, burned down some building would be severely frowned upon, but the priest brushes it off – he’s probably heard worse. Or the reverse (i.e. a madman who has become a born again Christian of late and has very little sins to confess).

After the confession I felt very light and all that happy stuff, so it all worked out well. ;)

What do you think of confessions in general (i.e not necessarily in the religious sense)?

Joe

P.S. My one year anniversary will be very very soon. Stay tuned for a new feature and a lot of reblogs.

Authoring

I feel like it should be spelled ‘authouring’. I’m just so used to changing ‘or’ to ‘our’ in words (all those pesky Americanisms). :P

Anyhow, I didn’t know what to write about today. I thought I was going to write about Eurovision, but it’s really been the same as usual. Britain stagnated in the middle of the leader board. There were some crazy set designs, Poland relied on their ‘natural beauty’ to win votes, and a drag act won. Nothing much different.

If you don’t know what Eurovision is, this sums it up quite nicely:

Embedded image permalink

Anyhow, today I’m going to talk about authoring. Or perhaps that should be writing. I don’t think I’ve earned the right to call myself an author yet, as I am not published. ;(

It’s quite sad what I’ve become. I’ve actually considered putting myself in a story, flaws and all, because I think that readers would sympathise with my complex, conflicting characteristics, my multi-faceted personality, and my general likeability. 

Scratch that, if I didn’t value my privacy (or plot for that matter) I would genuinely spill all about my life on some random website, because I think people would be very interested (even though nothing actually happens). And it would be very detailed. It would literally be a live stream of my thoughts in real time. I kind of want to write a diary, leave it in an attic, pass away, have it discovered by my great great grandchildren, get it published, and have everyone marvel at my angst.

The thing is that I haven’t actually written in my novel for around a month. SO WHY DO I KEEP NARRATING THINGS IN MY HEAD (no not in a schizophrenic way)?

I’ll just be walking around with this inner monologue running through my head.

Joe ambles into his kitchen and finds a small compartment filled with apples, oranges and other fruits. After pausing a while, he selects the apple he thinks is the shiniest. Unsatisfied, he wipes the apple against his shirt, but it’s missing that all important sparkle. Forlorn, he shuffles away, his quest for the shiniest apple forever unaccomplished.

It’s even worse when I’m speaking with someone. I end up thinking all the “he said”s and “she said”s as I’m speaking. It’s madness!

What I’m worried will happen is that I will accidentally say these things out loud.

“Oh hey Joe!”

“Hey Ieremias (thank you Random Name Generator), Joe said, wondering if he could punch him in the face without anyone noticing.”

“What did you say?”

“Nothing, Joe said, trying to look innocent.”

Ieremias backs away slowly.

Help me… please.

Joe

P.S. I think it’s a week until this blog’s anniversary! Stay tuned. EDIT: Just realised I have 4000 views! Woo hoo! Hopefully more on this soon.

P.P.S. I’m still doing the schedule thing, but now I have more flexibility as to the days – as long as I blog three times a week, it’s all good. ;)

Philosophical stuff!

In the last year, I have found myself becoming more and more philosophical. Therefore this post may be, as my friend called my last post, slightly ‘boring’. Be warned!

This will be about philosophy stuff, and is more of a rambling brain fart than anything else. It was meant to be quite a serious post, but I’m writing this as I watch Eurovision and it’s hard to be too grave. :P

When people say, “Be yourself.” it’s not really that great a piece of advice. True, stay true to your interests and the like, but it’s much harder to follow through with the way you act. For instance, the way I act with my friends is not the same way I act at home or the way I act alone. I suppose people would classify ‘being yourself’ as how you act when not around other people, but when I’m alone, I’m generally very unsociable, lazy, and a bit messy… which is generally not the side I want to present to people. :) I suppose it’s more unconsciously showcasing different sides of your personality to different people, and not even on purpose.

Recently, I have also become incredibly self-aware. Like I sometimes think (excuse the excessive cheesiness) “I am me, and I will never be anyone else.” #YOLO. Unless you believe in reincarnation. In which case #YOLOUYBIR.

You have no idea how weird that is. Let me try and express it better, so you fully appreciate it better. Because you don’t.

You may have heard of these strange things called ‘Other People’, but you will never truly know what that actually feels like. For instance, you could be in possession of an extremely rare condition called, for example, the Joseph Condition. However you will never know, because you have no idea what other people’s lives are like. Like seriously. Who’s to say that other people are just constructs of your imagination? Or actors? I am the most paranoid person in the world – ever since I saw the Truman Show, I have been constantly on the lookout for any stage lights. This isn’t really helping.

I mean why am I me, and not some Mongolian sheep herder? As far as I’m concerned, my reality could be the only one. (And they call me egocentric…) And if that is the case, then “lies, damned lies, and statistics“. I mean, even if the chance of getting hit by lightning is 1 in 3000 (seems surprisingly easy to be hit actually) there has to be at least one person that is hit to fill that statistic. Why not you?

Or perhaps over time we have become so desensitized to *living* that we don’t really realise the gravity of it… until we do. It’s like… sorry, I’m making no sense. But that’s philosophy for you. ;)

Another post tomorrow, because I missed posting on Friday. Oops. :P

Joe

P.S. The anniversary of this blog is this month! Be prepared. ;) Still haven’t decided what I’ll do yet, but I’ll do something for sure.

Tech Battle: iPad Air vs Pencil

Today is my first scheduled post! *yippee* It’s 8:00 so I’ll have to hurry up. I couldn’t really think of anything original today, so I’ll do something I’ve been meaning to do for a while – another Tech Battle! For the uninitiated ‘Tech Battles are when I pit two machines against each other (or one machine against it’s classic non-technological counterpart)’. That was plucked straight from my About page, which I should really update soon.

You may know that these battles have a bit of a reputations for being… biased, you might say. They tend to lean heavily towards one thing before the debate’s even started – and none more so than today!

First a bit of background. This advert was released back in 2013 (I’ve been putting this off for a while), and it still angers me to no end! *ahem* Sorry about that, this may get a bit emotional.

This just makes my blood boil in so many different ways. As I have already stated, I am a big advocate of the pencil, infinitely preferring them over pens, so when I first saw the advert I was thrilled, almost ecstatic for the pencil to finally get the hype it deserves. And then Apple had to take some crazy-thin iPad Air from out behind it! What? What! What (You know what, this deserves an interrobang). I take this personally and, as a self-proclaimed Apple fanboy, even I think they went too far.

You know what, let’s get to the comparisons…

Pencil

I’m not even going to list the many advantages of the pencil, because there will never be an exhaustive list. It’s that good. So what I’m going to do is quote the video because, before that horrendous last line, Apple had a pretty good advertisement… for pencils that is.

“It’s an extremely simple tool, but also extremely powerful. It can be used to start a poem, or finish a symphony. It has transformed the way we work, learn, create, share. It’s used to illustrate things, solve things, and think of new things. It’s used by scientists and artists, scholars and students. It’s been to classrooms, boardrooms, expeditions, even to space.”

As for disadvantages… does it have any? I suppose it doesn’t double up as a calculator, but it’s perfectly adept at doing calculations. True, you can’t get apps on it, but I would even dare to say the pencil can do more things than all the apps on the App Store combined. Well I suppose… nope, hang on. Perhaps it’s not Flash compatible? Oh no wait, that’s…

iPad Air

The iPad Air is probably an extremely useful tool. Although I haven’t used one, I have used an iPad, and they’re great. As I’ve previously stated, I love Apple –  but my allegiances only go so far. So rather than focus on what the iPad Air can do, because it can probably do a range of things, let’s see what the iPad Air cannot do. It can’t double up as a ruler, and it isn’t very good for drawing unless you have a stylus… it hasn’t transformed the way we work or learn considering that most classrooms still use HB pencils… I could go on for a while but I don’t really have time. ;)

I suppose it does have a slight advantage on the social media front, but let’s be honest… that’s very, very minor.

Conclusion

Pencil wins hands down. Just because. Pencil.

I’ll have to wrap this up because it’s now 10:00! (I wasn’t writing this post non-stop). The next post will be on Friday if all goes to plan, but we’ll see what happens. ;) Hopefully I’ll be a little less rushed, but I’m determined to stick to this schedule!

Joe

DISCLAIMER: This post should be taken as little more than a rant, and not a serious comparison – the iPad Air and the pencil are very, very different things.