A look at my search terms…

So I haven’t posted in a while. Mainly because I have been drained of ideas. So today I thought, hey, let’s look at my search terms! I had the idea a few weeks ago, and it seems fun, so let’s do it! :D Obviously I won’t go through all of them, merely some of the more interesting ones…

So my main search term is ‘computer’ with 143 views, all presumably leading to my ‘Computers vs TV’ post. Understandable.

The next most popular search terms are ‘angry meme’ and ‘ain’t nobody got time for dat’, with 31 and 12 views respectively. Annoyingly I consider this one of my worst posts, but that’s the way it goes. :\

Interestingly, there are no less than 17 different variations of the spelling of ‘ain’t nobody got time for dat’, so I thought I would try an in-depth analysis on all of them, as you do.

  1. ain’t nobody got time for dat – This classic spelling appears at the top of the pile by a process of natural selection.
  2. ain’t nobody got time fo dat – The second most common spelling, with 8 views, more accurately reflects the speech patterns of Sweet Brown.
  3. aint nobody got time for dat – This spelling is a nightmare for apostrophe activists, but not quite as lazy as our next spelling.
  4. aint nobody got time fo dat – Omitting letters, punctuation and common decency, this variant will leave grammar Nazis crying in despair.
  5. ain’t nobody got time for that – This spelling is a refuge for those who cannot bear to spell ‘that’ incorrectly. After #4, my hope in humanity is restored.
  6. ain’t nobody got time fo dat obama – A sharp and scintillating satire of Democratic politics in post-1950s America.
  7. aint no body got time for dat – Because corpses ain’t got no more time for that.
  8. ain’t nobody got time for you – Sad but true. :P
  9. ain’t nobody got time for that meme – A very meta interpretation of the search term.
  10. aint nobody for time for players meme – Child, the players change, but the game remains the same.
  11. aint nobody got time fo dat obama – Some more, less politically correct analysis of North American presidents.
  12. we aint got time fo dat – No we do not.
  13. aint no body got time fo dat – Again, more corpse talk, or if the typist in question meant nobody, this could imply an incredibly liberal use of the space bar, suggesting the typist needs more space; this deep psychological need could trace back to childhood trauma at a very young age when his personal space was often invaded by his pet dog Rover while he was on the toilet… Sorry, where was I?
  14. ain’t nobody got time for that! – Use of exclamation mark indicates… something. *shrugs*
  15. no one got time for dat – Who are you to say this? Have you conducted a survey of everyone in your local area? In the 2011 census, was there a section that asked, “Have you got time for dat?” :P
  16. memes i aint got time fa dat for facebook – The specialisation of the meme for social networking shows its evolution from simple utterance to internet legend.
  17. aint nobody go time fo dat – The epitome of laziness, omitting even more letters than #4. Disgraceful.

This post got very long-winded, so I will quickly go through some of the more interesting search terms. A lot of these only got one view, explaining their strange nature.

  1. house of elf in harry potter – While this would be a very interesting house, I’m not sure if five houses is as snazzy as four. Besides, imagine how jarring it would be? Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, House of Elf… There’s already a house that begins with ‘H’. No, we knew something that rolls off the tongue like, “Spewington” or “Dobby”. And if “Dobby” won the House Cup, they would have to have the option to get a lifetime’s supply of socks instead. <3
  2. harry whittier frees dead animals – I was initially confused by this, but it turns out ‘Frees’ is the surname of Harry Whittier, not a verb. Although the dead animals bit seems a bit strange. I think this directs to my post on memes again, as I looked at lolcats and I may have mentioned him for his work on dressing up felines. Even still, I can’t get over how strange this sounds. XD
  3. people assume friendly gestures – Maybe they’re trying to be friendly?
  4. are there any typos in the scorch trials wiki – In all probability, yes. Sorry about that.
  5. technophile zombie – I would say those zombies are the coolest. The other zombies salivate over brains, but these ones salivates over iOS 8. I know who I would rather hang out with.
  6. freedom exam – Just in case you’ve lost your basic freedom principles. What would be tested is beyond me.
  7. yo ll be an technophile – I’m not sure whether this is a misspelling of “yo, be a technophile”, “yolo, be a technophile”, or “you’ll be a technophile”. I’m clueless as to why you would have to say YOLO before being a technophile, but I guess it’s a very daredevil thing to do.
  8. august 12 skyfall 2014 at night at the sky – Actually ‘Skyfall’ was released on 26 October 2012 in the UK. :3
  9. write a story on i had forgotten to complete my mathswork and knew this was the day i would be punished – This is a very specific search term, with no less than 21 words. I’m not sure why he would want to write a story about this of his own accord, and it’s unlikely he was set this as schoolwork, so the logical conclusion was that he was being held for ransom by the mafia.

That’s all I have time for today (no meme references intended) so this ends the post. Do you have very strange search terms? If you want to do a post on this, I am calling this the ‘Search Term Tag’ just because.

Joe

Brace yourself…

That’s right. I’m getting braces. D:

I had a scheduled orthodontist appointment last May, where a dentist looked around my teeth with a hand-held mirror and seemingly shouted out whatever came to mind: “A1, B2, C1 dinosaur, C12 antidisestablishmentarianism, D2, X23 coma…” and I sat in the dentist chair wondering what all this means and whether or not I should be terrified.

Lots of people are scared of dentists, but I never have been, perhaps because one of my aunts is a dentist. However the chill that ran down my spine when he said, “… J42 impacted…” after minutes of “G39, H40, I41…” didn’t bode well.

After commending me on my cleaning skills to soften the news, the dentist said my teeth were all fine and dandy apart from one that was ‘impacted’ and had only partially erupted when it should have been fully grown. If it’s left alone, it’ll make it really hard to clean that area when I grow up, so they strongly recommended I get braces. Meh.

I used to be concerned that braces would be the subject of mockery if I got any, but it’s not the case, at least not at my school. I can’t imagine myself with braces, but I imagine that once I get them, I won’t be able to imagine myself without them, so that’s not an issue either.

My main worry is the hassle it will cause. Luckily it won’t have much of an impact for me diet-wise (because of my allergies, I’m already restricted from chocolate, toffee etc.) but if I have to clean my teeth everyday after lunch, that will be an annoyance.

Still, I hear that it’s really worth it for the nice smile you get afterwards, so because of the ‘recommendation’ (it was more like an order) me and my parents decided to go with it.

Anyhow, I went for another appointment today to get my X-rays and other measurements taken, so they can make sure my braces will fit my mouth snugly. A few minutes after I’d sat down with my mum, a dentist came in and said that I was to be led to another building where my measurements would be taken… without my mum. I wasn’t sure why this was necessary, but I went along with it anyway.

So we walked around the corner to another building, into a room with lots of machinery. First the dentist took X-rays of my teeth. I had to put my chin on a piece of plastic  and bite into a groove in a piece of plastic; both of these pieces of plastic (I don’t know their names!) protruded at right angles from another piece of plastic. Tl;dr: lots of plastic. Then the dentist brought even more plastic apparatus to keep my head in place, and left the room, after telling me cheerily to keep my head still.

When I went to India two years ago and got a haircut (this is relevant, I promise) my dad did all the talking and left me with the hairdresser, who kept muttering at me in Malayalam and then, when I did nothing, forcibly keeping my head still or moving it. He had to mutter a lot, increasingly irritably as time went on.

I think the point I’m trying to make after that very long and convoluted anecdote is that I don’t like keeping my head still and that I’m not very good at it – even hairdressers get annoyed at me for my incompetence . But somehow I managed it – the X-ray machine hung from the ceiling and spun around my head and I stayed still. although there’s no saying the x-rays won’t show some very shaky teeth when they’re printed.

Then I had to go to another X-ray machine, but this time they put things in my ears. I looked like I was wearing  very heavy earphones that were attached to the ceiling. The dentist brought down a latch to put on my nose (to keep me in place again), took the X-ray, and then it was over.

After that the dentist took a number of pictures of my face with a very fancy camera. I felt more like a model in those annoying back to school ads that are starting to pop up than a person at the orthodontist’s.

She then proceeded to take pictures of my teeth while her assistant used stretchers to keep my lips out of the way (not as bad as it sounds, but still very strange). Perhaps understandably, this was much less glamorous. At one point, the dentist put a mirror in between my top and bottom rows of teeth so they could look at the inside of my mouth; they then told me I should only breathe through my nose to prevent the mirror steaming up. I had a mild panic wondering whether or not my nose-breathing was sufficient for me to survive for a few minutes. In hindsight, what if the mirror had gotten stuck? Would I have lived the rest of my life a nose-breather, trying not to steam up the mirror? With my perpetual state of blocked nose, I doubt I would last long. But I digress.

The appointment was perfectly normal apart from one unusual moment. Throughout, the dentist was very friendly and cheerful, trying to make some small talk. At one point, after I said that some of the procedures seemed a bit weird, she said something along the lines of, “Oh yes, we do weird here. We do a lot of weird. Never painful though.” Undoubtedly it was meant to be genial chitchat, but it came across a bit outlandish. XD After that, things continued as usual.

I had to bite into a sheet of wax so they could record my bite. I also had what felt like plasticine shoved onto my bottom and upper teeth, so they could make casts of them. It was bearable, although the container used to hold the plasticine were uncomfortable against my cheeks.

That was the end of it. I rinsed my mouth with some mouthwash and was led back to my mum.

Congratulations, you have just read a word-by-word account of an orthodontist trip! This was probably really mundane, but I’m sure you enjoyed it anyway. :P Sorry, that was a bit presumptuous.

What are your experiences with braces, orthodontists and dentists?

Joe. :3

Unproductivity and the Great British Bake Off

After my birthday, I woke up the next day with the Birthday Blues. As in, I couldn’t get out of bed for a few hours. And since then I have been incredibly unproductive. And on the day as well. And before. Basically I am and have always been kind of lazy.

Why? Why?!

Although this summer has probably been better than last summer, when I spent every waking hour hunched over my laptop, I haven’t done anything of great significance in the first half and I’m started to get… bored.

I’ve spent most of today on my computer, but I don’t know what else to do? Whenever I make to-do lists, I just cross off the items on my list that I want to do and leave the ones I don’t want to do alone. D: I have been reading a lot more though, which is great, and editing my story after almost a year break, which is great, but mainly just watching YouTube. I need help.

So any tips for productivity would be well appreciated. :3

As a side note, Great British Bake Off started again recently. (Sorry if this is very Britain-centric, you can try and make it a game to puzzle out what I’m talking about). So many innuendoes it’s ridiculous.

Ah, the Great British Bake Off. So laid back and British. The contestants can hug and exchange pleasantries, Mel and Sue made banter, and no one batted an eyelid. Martha is my favourite by far (she’s just so friendly!) but a few are starting to get on my nerves, although I have no dislikes just yet. Unfortunately I only came in halfway through the first episode, so I missed all the Swiss rolls, but it was still very entertaining. Nothing mindblowing just yet, but I expect more technical stuff in the coming weeks.

But by far the best thing is this conversation between BBC 1 and 2. For those not in the know, BBC 2 is a much more lower-key channel in UK television that BBC 1, so when the Great British Bake Off changed channels from 2 to 1, this was huge.

Embedded image permalink

I don’t really know what exactly to post about, so this will have to suffice. :P Stay tuned!

Joe

If life gives you cake…

It’s my birthday today! :D

 

I will deign to tell you my age (because based on the terrifying Internet safety shorts my teachers have shown me, there are an awful lot of creepy people on the Internet) but yeah, it’s my birthday! :D

What, you forgot?! D: It’s OK, I won’t judge you. *cracks knuckles menacingly and then grins sheepishly*.

I didn’t really understand the gravity of the situation either when I woke up at 7:00 this morning. I thought, “Oh, it’s my birthday.” Then I went back to sleep and woke up again two hours later. Even still, I felt pretty happy, although not bouncing up and down excited.

I should probably tell you that I am currently not living in my home – long story short, I, my sisters and my parents are with some extended family because of a tennis tournament my sister is in; it’s been lots of fun over the last few days.

Anyway, I went downstairs, got hugged by my mum and aunt and had my ‘Birthday Breakfast’ (i.e. normal breakfast with a hint of antidisestablishmentarianism). I also texted everyone I know, “It’s my birthday!” Then I went to a tennis court to hit with my cousin, sister and dad. I was really really bad. As in, terrible. But I got better I think, and by the end I was only really bad. :P

The cake currently lies waiting to be eaten, chocolate with buttercream icing. Because of my extensive allergies (eggs, milk and nuts) I don’t normally have cake – when it comes to other people’s birthdays, I often have one or two Jammie Dodgers.

It would be a lot of hassle to bake a separate cake (mainly for myself as few others will eat it) every time someone has a birthday. That would be far too much cake for far too short a person to consume. But when it comes to my own birthday, my mum makes a dairy/nut/egg free chocolate cake, which is nom nom nom without making me have a rash.

Allergic reactions are not exactly desirable.

*Cue musical interlude*

I’m breaking out in rashes everywhere,
I’m in a state of disrepair.
My skin’s turning quite sage, turning quite sage,
My skin’s turning quite sage, turning quite sage,
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I’m dermatologically reactive, dermatologically reactive!
Oh, no, no, no, no, oh, no, no, no, I’m dermatologically reactive, dermatologically reactive!

But I’m getting off topic. Birthdays.

Oh, forgot to mention presents. I had a much easier time than last year but I was still incredibly indecisive, so I only decided my birthday presents a few days before my actual birthday… when I was in someone else’s house (*facepalm*) so they haven’t arrived yet. I know what they are anyway though. :P

Turns out the book I got as a prize for Speech Day (another thing I need to write about) was really good, so I’m buying the other two books in the series; the book was ‘The Knife of Never Letting Go’ by Patrick Ness, part of a series called ‘Chaos Walking’ – I highly recommend it. I also asked for the Lego Movie, because why not? :P No, my friends all said it was really good, so I thought I would see what all the fuss is about. In my mind, 2:1 is the perfect balance of books to DVDs, but that might just be me.

At the same time, I can be kind of frustrated with my age. Because I was born in August, everyone in my year has their birthday before me. In Britain the cutoff is August 31, so as my birthday is perilously close to it very few people in my year are born after me! -_- As a result, I feel kind of older than I am, if that makes any sense. Whenever people ask me how old I am near the summer holidays, I normally say “I’m in Year X.” rather than, “I am X years old.” because when I say the latter, people often underestimate me and it’s starting to get on my nerves. :\

Another thing that annoys me is when people say, “Before you were born.” It’s hard to say exactly why that is, but it’s as if they’re trying to surprise you by saying this. Guys, I already know that stuff happened before I was born – that is not a mystery to me. Plus it gives no sense of time whatsoever. A year before I was born? A hundred years before I was born? Gahhhh! I would rather you just gave a date, no matter how vague.

No if anything, it freaks me out when I find out things have happened during my lifetime which I had no idea about. The idea that someone found out they had cancer or started a now famous YouTube channel while I was alive makes me kind of uneasy, but I’m not entirely sure why. Meh. Those are my thoughts.

I don’t really know what else to write about. Perhaps I should’ve posted this near the end of the day just in case something surprising happens in the rest of the day, but unless my laptop dies in a tragic car accident in Blackpool, I don’t think much will happen that will be worth saying (besides, my laptop will be destroyed with only the Blackpool Illuminations for company, so I won’t be able to post anyway).

What do you think of birthdays? Are they a happy harbinger of progress into your life, guiding you into another happy year filled with happy unicorns and happy rainbows? Or a drab and dreary reminder of mundane everyday life, only reminding you how old you are and how little you have accomplished?

Sorry that got dark quickly.

Anyway, happy birthday to me. :3

Joe.

P.S. 101 posts! :D