A look at my search terms…

So I haven’t posted in a while. Mainly because I have been drained of ideas. So today I thought, hey, let’s look at my search terms! I had the idea a few weeks ago, and it seems fun, so let’s do it! :D Obviously I won’t go through all of them, merely some of the more interesting ones…

So my main search term is ‘computer’ with 143 views, all presumably leading to my ‘Computers vs TV’ post. Understandable.

The next most popular search terms are ‘angry meme’ and ‘ain’t nobody got time for dat’, with 31 and 12 views respectively. Annoyingly I consider this one of my worst posts, but that’s the way it goes. :\

Interestingly, there are no less than 17 different variations of the spelling of ‘ain’t nobody got time for dat’, so I thought I would try an in-depth analysis on all of them, as you do.

  1. ain’t nobody got time for dat – This classic spelling appears at the top of the pile by a process of natural selection.
  2. ain’t nobody got time fo dat – The second most common spelling, with 8 views, more accurately reflects the speech patterns of Sweet Brown.
  3. aint nobody got time for dat – This spelling is a nightmare for apostrophe activists, but not quite as lazy as our next spelling.
  4. aint nobody got time fo dat – Omitting letters, punctuation and common decency, this variant will leave grammar Nazis crying in despair.
  5. ain’t nobody got time for that – This spelling is a refuge for those who cannot bear to spell ‘that’ incorrectly. After #4, my hope in humanity is restored.
  6. ain’t nobody got time fo dat obama – A sharp and scintillating satire of Democratic politics in post-1950s America.
  7. aint no body got time for dat – Because corpses ain’t got no more time for that.
  8. ain’t nobody got time for you – Sad but true. :P
  9. ain’t nobody got time for that meme – A very meta interpretation of the search term.
  10. aint nobody for time for players meme – Child, the players change, but the game remains the same.
  11. aint nobody got time fo dat obama – Some more, less politically correct analysis of North American presidents.
  12. we aint got time fo dat – No we do not.
  13. aint no body got time fo dat – Again, more corpse talk, or if the typist in question meant nobody, this could imply an incredibly liberal use of the space bar, suggesting the typist needs more space; this deep psychological need could trace back to childhood trauma at a very young age when his personal space was often invaded by his pet dog Rover while he was on the toilet… Sorry, where was I?
  14. ain’t nobody got time for that! – Use of exclamation mark indicates… something. *shrugs*
  15. no one got time for dat – Who are you to say this? Have you conducted a survey of everyone in your local area? In the 2011 census, was there a section that asked, “Have you got time for dat?” :P
  16. memes i aint got time fa dat for facebook – The specialisation of the meme for social networking shows its evolution from simple utterance to internet legend.
  17. aint nobody go time fo dat – The epitome of laziness, omitting even more letters than #4. Disgraceful.

This post got very long-winded, so I will quickly go through some of the more interesting search terms. A lot of these only got one view, explaining their strange nature.

  1. house of elf in harry potter – While this would be a very interesting house, I’m not sure if five houses is as snazzy as four. Besides, imagine how jarring it would be? Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, House of Elf… There’s already a house that begins with ‘H’. No, we knew something that rolls off the tongue like, “Spewington” or “Dobby”. And if “Dobby” won the House Cup, they would have to have the option to get a lifetime’s supply of socks instead. <3
  2. harry whittier frees dead animals – I was initially confused by this, but it turns out ‘Frees’ is the surname of Harry Whittier, not a verb. Although the dead animals bit seems a bit strange. I think this directs to my post on memes again, as I looked at lolcats and I may have mentioned him for his work on dressing up felines. Even still, I can’t get over how strange this sounds. XD
  3. people assume friendly gestures – Maybe they’re trying to be friendly?
  4. are there any typos in the scorch trials wiki – In all probability, yes. Sorry about that.
  5. technophile zombie – I would say those zombies are the coolest. The other zombies salivate over brains, but these ones salivates over iOS 8. I know who I would rather hang out with.
  6. freedom exam – Just in case you’ve lost your basic freedom principles. What would be tested is beyond me.
  7. yo ll be an technophile – I’m not sure whether this is a misspelling of “yo, be a technophile”, “yolo, be a technophile”, or “you’ll be a technophile”. I’m clueless as to why you would have to say YOLO before being a technophile, but I guess it’s a very daredevil thing to do.
  8. august 12 skyfall 2014 at night at the sky – Actually ‘Skyfall’ was released on 26 October 2012 in the UK. :3
  9. write a story on i had forgotten to complete my mathswork and knew this was the day i would be punished – This is a very specific search term, with no less than 21 words. I’m not sure why he would want to write a story about this of his own accord, and it’s unlikely he was set this as schoolwork, so the logical conclusion was that he was being held for ransom by the mafia.

That’s all I have time for today (no meme references intended) so this ends the post. Do you have very strange search terms? If you want to do a post on this, I am calling this the ‘Search Term Tag’ just because.

Joe

A quick update!

The last you heard of me, I left a cryptic post that said ‘something is happening’. This doesn’t really mean much. For all you knew, I was posting from the middle of the Atlantic Ocean after being kidnapped by teddy bear pirates wearing eye patches. Alas, this was not the case. I also left you with the word ‘abyssopelagic’, but this has nothing to do with anything – I just thought it was a cool word and wanted to share it. :P Incidentally, according to Wiktionary it means:

  1. Of or pertaining to the depths of the ocean; of the open waters of the abyssal zone.

You may have noticed it’s the summer. Or the winter if you’re in the Southern Hemisphere. Or maybe you don’t have four seasons where you live. Maybe you don’t have any seasons…

Ok, so it’s the summer in the UK. As usual, we complain how hot it is constantly and wish it could be Winter. When we actually do have Winter, we wish for Summer. We may not be the only country to complain about the weather, but it comes up an awful lot in conversation. Weather and tea are the things that binds all British people together in a mess of pessimism and patriotism.

For some reason, summer is the national season of getting stuff done that could have been spread across the year. People always leave the big events for summer and it causes a lot of stress. You go through the whole year and nothing happens and suddenly Wimbledon, the Commonwealth Games, the World Cup, your piano concert, my sister’s birthday, a trip to the Proms, Sports Day (I was actually in it this time!), a karate competition, Open Evening, a trip to France and the start of the Summer holidays are all within a season. I should probably make some sort of reference to buses here, but I shall decline.

I’m sure half of these things did not have to happen in Summer. In fact, the only thing that really needed to happen in Summer was the start of the Summer holidays. (The World Cup could have gone on perfectly well in Spring).

I wanted to write about these events, but there wasn’t enough time. The events piled up and I felt I couldn’t write about the new events without writing about the old events first, so the potential essay post got bigger and bigger in my mind. Eventually I realised it would swamp me so I’ve shelved it for now.

I hope I can write about these events in the future (probably in chunks), but if I do, they will likely be out of order and make zero sense. But hey, the important thing is to start writing again. :)

These events are actually pretty momentous though in terms of my bucket list. Now I have gone to an official karate competition and gone abroad for more two days without my family, two items on the list. As I said, I won’t write about these things yet, but I hope to soon. However I’m thinking of changing the list slightly. So far, it’s more geared to doing stuff than achieving stuff. For instance, going to an official karate competition didn’t feel that inspiring in itself – it was mainly a lot of waiting around, and very little karate. What the achievement should have been was ‘win a match at a karate competition’, or even more challenging, ‘win a medal at a karate competition’. Hence why the list no longer includes ‘join a social network’. I think I am at risk of putting reputation above actual achievement, which I can be very guilty of as I am a massive praise hog. I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s a lot more meaningful to cross off one difficult item on my bucket list than five easy ones.

That being said, I have also completed a third item on my bucket list: gain 100 followers. :D

Now this is all kinds of awesome. Compared to other blogs around my *age* I have quite a pitiful amount of followers, but I guess I’m kind of to blame for that. Still, 100 is a lot! I mean, considering I’m almost as unsociable on the net as I am off it, I think it’s kind of weird I even have 100 followers.** :P!

Thank you. Thank you so much for putting up with my harebrained schemes and my tediousness and my erratic posts and my ramblings etc. Thanks for making the time to read (or not as the case may be, but to all the spammers and non-active followers, I like you nevertheless :P). Thanks for making the time to be sociable so I don’t have to. Just… thanks.

Talking of harebrained schemes, remember that plan I thought up to celebrate my blogversary? It detailed me changing one thing in my life every week so that I would be a new person in a year and it was kind of ambitious. It’s kind of worked, but kind of not – mainly because I am unwilling to give myself punishments and am finding it difficult to think of things to change. :P Again, another thing for another post, sorry about that.

I am now slightly under a week into the summer holidays. It’s flying by far too quickly and soon I’ll be back to my daily dreariness. My birthday will be very soon (yippee!) so prepare your presents.

Excitingly, I have also started editing my novel again after a year where I didn’t do much creative writing. Of course, I did stuff relating to writing in that break, like reading about writing and making some character biographies, but no actual editing of my first draft (which was by the way very very rambly). I was hoping to get it done by the Summer holidays, but I’m not sure this will be the case anymore. Even still, it’s brilliant I’ve started again, and hopefully I’ll be able to get some momentum running. :)

I’m not entirely sure how to end this, but I like the idea of ‘here’s a cool word’ becoming a feature. So:

*NB: these things did not happen in the order listed.

**To elaborate on this, I’ve kind of settled with my own small group of bloggin’ friends (most of whom have blogs a year or less old), and I’m always reluctant to make new ones. My blogging schedule has also been kind of erratic, which can’t have helped my rise to fame.

P.S. My room is also a mess. So much of a mess that I feel it would be irresponsible not to tell you. Basically lots of paper accumulated, was released in an attempt to organise it, and ended up just being left around. Maybe I’ll clean it up. Maybe. :P

P.P.S. My end of year exam results came back and it all turned out well. :3

It was around this time

It was around this time last year that a Scottish English Catholic Indian called Joe was revising for his end of year exams and needed something he could use to procrastinate.

It was around this time that his friend’s blog, [insertnamehere] got 1000 views, and inspired Joe to make a blog.

It was around this time that he got some feedback from one of his previous blogs and wanted to try again.

It was around this time he published his first post, Welcome Earthlings, which was as follows:

Ahem. That was bad. But you’re still reading aren’t you? Unless you were put off…

Anyway, this is my first post. I love technology, and this will mainly be a technology blog, but keep in mind I may post the odd titbit every now and then. ;) I’ve done multiple blogs before, but none of them have really been successful. Recently I made a post on an old blog with my cousin, and I was surprised to find the post was recommended by another website.

But um… I didn’t want to continue on that blog because it had an *ahem* embarrassing URL. So here we are. By the way, my name’s Joe.

Hope to see you around. :)

It was around this time last year that he got his first like.

It was around this time last year that he got his first comment from [insertnamehere].

It was around this time last year that he had his first blogging interaction with someone he didn’t know in real life – Aliyaaaa.

It was around this time he got his first award.

And so forth.

***

WARNING: MUSHY STUFF

Thank you so much. I am very very happy. Probably one of the weirdest things is looking back on ‘past me’, that ever-naive person who blogged every day when he was meant to be revising (ah, bless) and thought this was going to be “mainly a technology blog”. (Is it OK to refer to “past me” in the third person?)

I do feel kind of ecstatic for obvious reasons that I’m not really sure of. At first I thought:

But then should I be happy? I mean, it was going to happen sometime. If I had never posted on this blog and left it as barren as my other ones, I still would have had this achievement. And yet the fact that so many other blogs (namely mine) have been abandoned but this one has not makes me feel quite… happy.

I suppose I should thank people. Mind this is not an exclusive list. But anyhow:

Thanks Aliyaaaa – you were the first person who legitimately took an interest in my blog who I didn’t know in real life.

Thanks [insertnamehere] and pessimistic leprechaun, for being my friends off and on the internet.

Thanks to the Indecisive Eejit, who followed me as the Geeky G4mer, and has given me, a young ‘un, lots of laughter (and some well-directed advice).

Thanks to Professor VJ Duke, for being generally professorish.

Thanks to Charlotte M, for showing me that I am not very good at fandoms.

Thanks to JED, for providing lots of post inspiration.

Thanks to mushroomsup, for nominating me for my first award and being hilarious.

Thanks to deepbluesandseafoamgreens, for despite being my most recent blog friend, her quirky posts and comments are pretty awesome.

Thanks to everyone who has ever commented, liked or followed. Thank you.

***

So I woke up this morning looking eagerly at my notifications to see if WordPress had presented me that shiny “Anniversary” trophy that everyone talks about – but it was not there. When I realised that I had to wait until 7:40 for my award, I did. BUT IT WAS NOT THERE.

And then an hour later I got the award. Phew. You almost scared me there WordPress. Why so cruel? D:

Unfortunately this means I started this post quite late and I still have quite a lot to go. This may hark back to the days of essay post Joe, so you have been warned. :P

How do I put this?

I am a deeply flawed human being (that was hard to write). And I thought I could do something like Lollipop Tuesday where I do a challenge every week… except this time each challenge would last a week, every week, for a year.

I could become one of those slightly spammy blogs that talk say things like, “YOU can improve YOUR life with this simple blog feature. I used to be so bad at life until I discovered this one weird trick! Life doctors hate me!!!”

So to avoid that, this will be a bit different from most sites that advocate ‘trying new things’. While that’s important, when it’s done wrong (and I would do it wrong) it can probably sound somewhat smug. I’m already quite the praise hog, so I would probably end up boasting of my new talents and putting everyone off.

So rather than learning new things, I will be fixing old things. Every week (starting now) I will flaunt my flaws to the public and have you laugh at me as I try and sort them out.

Yippee.

If I’ve planned it right, each week will focus on a particular flaw, like “procrastination” or “door slamming” or “bursts of nonsensical singing”. Each one will have a certain task attached to it, like “do your homework the day it’s set” or “don’t slam the door” or “have a sponsored silence”. Each week will have a reward… and a punishment. My family are all too happy to get involved with the punishment side of things – as for my friends, I know some of you will be eager to join in. ;)

I’m unsure how far this will go. The thing is, I haven’t actually made a complete list, so I’ll be making a lot of these up as I go along. :P Being the narcissist I am, 52 flaws might be a bit of a stretch for me to think of, but we’ll see.

At the end of this I could either be a  changed person, the same as I ever was, or a complete nervous wreck. Possibly all of those three.

Undoubtedly as I publish this at 11:00 very few of you will be reading this on the day, but that’s what you get for posting late. ;)

Here’s to another year!

Joe

P.S. This week’s challenge is “Exam Preparation” – I must revise at least two hours every day for a week. Normally the challenges will start on Monday, but this will start tomorrow because I haven’t actually done much revision today. :P The reward: undecided as of yet, but I’ll think of something. The punishment: one hour without the internet the day after if I break my revision streak – and the hour has to be when I’m on the computer, not when I’m doing something else.

I told this to my family, and the reaction was slightly more mixed than I expected. Some of them were on board, but another said that I’m training myself with operant conditioning. I’m not sure if this is inherently bad, but it was used on rats to make them press buttons in labs. o_O Not entirely reassuring, but I won’t be deterred.

What’s coming up?

So whenever I come onto my blog, I think three things.

1) Wow. I don’t have that many notifications do I? Why are all the other blogs so successful?!

2) Probably because they post more.

3) Should I post now? Nah, I’ll wait till I get my next notification. I mean, quality over quantity, right? When more people start following, and I finally get my reward for the countless hours I put into my blog then I’ll start posting again! I mean, what’s the point in posting if hardly anyone is there to read it? Besides I have all this homework/reading/exercising sitting to do!

This repeats in a vicious cycle until… the point of utter despair. This point usually happens late in the night when I have nothing left to lose and I think, “You know what? ASASDFAJDHFALJ!*£$%^&*()” Don’t laugh, it’s actually quite heartbreaking.

I ramble on about something for an hour, press publish, wait for a few minutes for the incoming stream of notifications, and only when I realise that a lot of you are actually asleep at 11:00 and can’t read with your eyes closed do I go to bed. And they wonder why I’m a night owl. -_-

This may be the reason why most of my latest posts are pretty bad compared to my earlier stuff. You see, whenever I do post, it’s because I choose quantity over quality. Whenever I don’t post, I have spent ages writing a post, so much so that it becomes sucked of its fun- then I give it up to the drafts pile and do something else. I CAN’T STRIKE A BALANCE. Add to this my tremendous skills in procrastination and you have a recipe for disaster. So today I have decided to do something drastic. Something I promised myself I wouldn’t do, because I am so, so bad at sticking to guidelines. But I have to try.

I am going to make a schedule.

Basically I’ll post on my free days: Saturday/Sunday, Tuesday/Wednesday, Friday. So three times a week. We’ll see how it goes.

Also, I’ve had a good idea for a new feature which I think will be very interesting. I can’t say when it’ll be announced, but hopefully within the next week. Stay tuned.

Joe

DISCLAIMER: The countless hours put into my blog are mainly composed of me refreshing the Stats page over and over.

January in a nutshell

The last time I was here it was December 30  (I know it says December 31, but when I published the post it was past 11:00 and WordPress hasn’t adjusted to the end of Daylight Saving Time… I am waiting eagerly for March 30).

As it stands, we have a lot to catch up on, so this will be one of my long posts. I know that some of you don’t have time to waste on reading a 75000 word post, so I have devised a little system where anything in black font is necessary reading – everything else is optional. So this is optional.
Continue reading

Extrovert or Introvert?

As you may have noticed, I have attempted to drop the ‘OT’ tag from now on, since it’s pretty obvious which posts are Operation Toothpaste posts and which are not. We’ll see how that turns out.

I’m not entirely sure why this has happened, but recently everyone has been using the words ‘extrovert’ and ‘introvert’. A lot. For those not in the know…

An extrovert is some who finds happiness in social interaction and prefers time with friends as opposed to time alone in a room writing on a computer. Extrovert are generally quite talkative and energetic, and generally outgoing.

On the other end of the scale, introverts are happy when they spend some time alone with themselves. THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT INTROVERTS ARE LONELY. It just means they like to read a book more than they like shuffling around awkwardly at parties. They are more analytical and less energetic. They’re also quite reflective on life and all that jazz. Continue reading

The WordPress Family Award!

Very recently I was nominated for the WordPress Family Award by the Indecisive Eejit (formerly the Geeky G4mer), for which I’d like to say muchas gracias! I’m very honoured to be part of your WordPress Family. :3 As you can probably tell, you give this award to about 10 fellow WordPress bloggers who are part of your virtual family. There’s very little work, all you have to do is nominate 10 people, put the award sign on your blog, link back to the person who nominated you, and smile for the people watching you through your webcam.

Just joking. ;)

In no particular order…

Thank all of you guys so much! I’m not really in a speech mood for some reason, but you’re all really great blogs and I’m happy to say that, through blogging, I’ve met loads of really great people. It’s quite a big diversity of people, so it shows that… you know. There are great people everywhere? Sorry to sound cheesy…

What do you know, I was in a speech mood. :D

Again, thank all of you guys so much. You make this blog a blog (as opposed to an awkward internet diary that no-one reads apart from myself). I’ll let you all know I’ve nominated you as soon as I can be bothered (most of you, if not all, will probably read this anyway).

Joe. :3