If life gives you cake…

It’s my birthday today! :D


I will deign to tell you my age (because based on the terrifying Internet safety shorts my teachers have shown me, there are an awful lot of creepy people on the Internet) but yeah, it’s my birthday! :D

What, you forgot?! D: It’s OK, I won’t judge you. *cracks knuckles menacingly and then grins sheepishly*.

I didn’t really understand the gravity of the situation either when I woke up at 7:00 this morning. I thought, “Oh, it’s my birthday.” Then I went back to sleep and woke up again two hours later. Even still, I felt pretty happy, although not bouncing up and down excited.

I should probably tell you that I am currently not living in my home – long story short, I, my sisters and my parents are with some extended family because of a tennis tournament my sister is in; it’s been lots of fun over the last few days.

Anyway, I went downstairs, got hugged by my mum and aunt and had my ‘Birthday Breakfast’ (i.e. normal breakfast with a hint of antidisestablishmentarianism). I also texted everyone I know, “It’s my birthday!” Then I went to a tennis court to hit with my cousin, sister and dad. I was really really bad. As in, terrible. But I got better I think, and by the end I was only really bad. :P

The cake currently lies waiting to be eaten, chocolate with buttercream icing. Because of my extensive allergies (eggs, milk and nuts) I don’t normally have cake – when it comes to other people’s birthdays, I often have one or two Jammie Dodgers.

It would be a lot of hassle to bake a separate cake (mainly for myself as few others will eat it) every time someone has a birthday. That would be far too much cake for far too short a person to consume. But when it comes to my own birthday, my mum makes a dairy/nut/egg free chocolate cake, which is nom nom nom without making me have a rash.

Allergic reactions are not exactly desirable.

*Cue musical interlude*

I’m breaking out in rashes everywhere,
I’m in a state of disrepair.
My skin’s turning quite sage, turning quite sage,
My skin’s turning quite sage, turning quite sage,
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I’m dermatologically reactive, dermatologically reactive!
Oh, no, no, no, no, oh, no, no, no, I’m dermatologically reactive, dermatologically reactive!

But I’m getting off topic. Birthdays.

Oh, forgot to mention presents. I had a much easier time than last year but I was still incredibly indecisive, so I only decided my birthday presents a few days before my actual birthday… when I was in someone else’s house (*facepalm*) so they haven’t arrived yet. I know what they are anyway though. :P

Turns out the book I got as a prize for Speech Day (another thing I need to write about) was really good, so I’m buying the other two books in the series; the book was ‘The Knife of Never Letting Go’ by Patrick Ness, part of a series called ‘Chaos Walking’ – I highly recommend it. I also asked for the Lego Movie, because why not? :P No, my friends all said it was really good, so I thought I would see what all the fuss is about. In my mind, 2:1 is the perfect balance of books to DVDs, but that might just be me.

At the same time, I can be kind of frustrated with my age. Because I was born in August, everyone in my year has their birthday before me. In Britain the cutoff is August 31, so as my birthday is perilously close to it very few people in my year are born after me! -_- As a result, I feel kind of older than I am, if that makes any sense. Whenever people ask me how old I am near the summer holidays, I normally say “I’m in Year X.” rather than, “I am X years old.” because when I say the latter, people often underestimate me and it’s starting to get on my nerves. :\

Another thing that annoys me is when people say, “Before you were born.” It’s hard to say exactly why that is, but it’s as if they’re trying to surprise you by saying this. Guys, I already know that stuff happened before I was born – that is not a mystery to me. Plus it gives no sense of time whatsoever. A year before I was born? A hundred years before I was born? Gahhhh! I would rather you just gave a date, no matter how vague.

No if anything, it freaks me out when I find out things have happened during my lifetime which I had no idea about. The idea that someone found out they had cancer or started a now famous YouTube channel while I was alive makes me kind of uneasy, but I’m not entirely sure why. Meh. Those are my thoughts.

I don’t really know what else to write about. Perhaps I should’ve posted this near the end of the day just in case something surprising happens in the rest of the day, but unless my laptop dies in a tragic car accident in Blackpool, I don’t think much will happen that will be worth saying (besides, my laptop will be destroyed with only the Blackpool Illuminations for company, so I won’t be able to post anyway).

What do you think of birthdays? Are they a happy harbinger of progress into your life, guiding you into another happy year filled with happy unicorns and happy rainbows? Or a drab and dreary reminder of mundane everyday life, only reminding you how old you are and how little you have accomplished?

Sorry that got dark quickly.

Anyway, happy birthday to me. :3


P.S. 101 posts! :D

Accidental sass

It’s one thing trying to be funny and failing. Some of my friends will testify in a brutally honest way that this happens far too often. You know who you are. ;)

Then there’s trying to be taken seriously and ending up being funny. This is the main source of my humour – and it generally stems from my innate awkwardness. My life reads like a slapstick comedy…

But there is another rare phenomenon that people tend to forget. This phenomenon is called… accidental sass.

This is when you mean to be completely sincere and serious and it ends up being so sarcastic and sassy that things get hysterical very very quickly.

For instance, when I was in my last year of primary school, my teacher was showing round a high up teacher from the local comprehensive. I was one of the only ones who wasn’t going – so just my luck…

My teacher came round and said something along the lines of, “This is Joseph. He likes books.” and all of a sudden this guy was waffling about how beautiful the library was at his school, and how there were enough novels to fill a classroom, and on and on for a minute, before my teacher said, “He’s not going.”

The guy laughed it off, but then in an attempt to salvage his dignity, he said, “Would you go if I paid you?”

This is one of those questions were there is no right answer. If I had said yes, what did that say about me? That I was willing to take a bribe? I should have answered, “Maybe.”, but the thought didn’t even occur to me.

So I said no.

The man started laughing. So did my teacher.

“Hahaha… haha…” I said, although I had no idea why I was meant to be laughing.

“He has a funny sense of humour.” my teacher said, and dragged the ambassador away before I could mess things up any further.

I stood there for a moment, bemused at what had happened. And then it hit me. I had basically said, “I wouldn’t go to your school even if you paid me.”. I probably came across as Sherlock or something.

There’s another incident I can remember. One of my classmates had forgotten his PE shorts and needed some spare. When he asked me if he could borrow mine, I paused, and then said quite sincerely, “Only if you wear underpants underneath.”

Why do I post this now? Because this happened again, recently… but that’s a story for another time. Or never. :P


P.S. The revision is going OK. I’m doing a lot more than last year, but I seem to be scraping through. I’m not sure how my past self managed to blog so often. :P

Continuing with the texting theme…

Hey guys. :) As a side note, my previous blogs haven’t done very well, and as a result I was a bit pessimistic as to how well this one would go. It’s weird, but every time someone comments or likes a post, I go crazy! So thanks guys! Also, revision getting you down? Been postponing, I’ll try and knuckle down soon… honestly.

Anyway, continuing with texting… how many times have you been guilty of using LOL or ROTFL or BTW when speaking? Be honest…

I suppose ten years ago this would have been strange, but I think soon these might be words in the Oxford Dictionary. Perhaps they already are (I don’t know, my family’s dictionary is from the 1990s)?

A few of you might have in your homes a What PC? Guide to your PC at home, back from when computing was in it’s infancy and the internet was a pointless time-waster used by people with nothing better to do (still is :)). I had one in my shelf from 1999, and leafed through it a few months ago, sniggering at every out-of-date phrase or paragraph. (It was refreshing to see there wasn’t a mention of Apple anywhere in the book).

It’s quite fun to go back to books like this, and laugh at how outdated they are. Indeed, there is a list of acronyms that though in 1999 may have been top-of-the-range, clearly didn’t catch on. I’ll only post the best, but most of them are so funny that that’s pretty much all of them!
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