Accidental sass

It’s one thing trying to be funny and failing. Some of my friends will testify in a brutally honest way that this happens far too often. You know who you are. ;)

Then there’s trying to be taken seriously and ending up being funny. This is the main source of my humour – and it generally stems from my innate awkwardness. My life reads like a slapstick comedy…

But there is another rare phenomenon that people tend to forget. This phenomenon is called… accidental sass.

This is when you mean to be completely sincere and serious and it ends up being so sarcastic and sassy that things get hysterical very very quickly.

For instance, when I was in my last year of primary school, my teacher was showing round a high up teacher from the local comprehensive. I was one of the only ones who wasn’t going – so just my luck…

My teacher came round and said something along the lines of, “This is Joseph. He likes books.” and all of a sudden this guy was waffling about how beautiful the library was at his school, and how there were enough novels to fill a classroom, and on and on for a minute, before my teacher said, “He’s not going.”

The guy laughed it off, but then in an attempt to salvage his dignity, he said, “Would you go if I paid you?”

This is one of those questions were there is no right answer. If I had said yes, what did that say about me? That I was willing to take a bribe? I should have answered, “Maybe.”, but the thought didn’t even occur to me.

So I said no.

The man started laughing. So did my teacher.

“Hahaha… haha…” I said, although I had no idea why I was meant to be laughing.

“He has a funny sense of humour.” my teacher said, and dragged the ambassador away before I could mess things up any further.

I stood there for a moment, bemused at what had happened. And then it hit me. I had basically said, “I wouldn’t go to your school even if you paid me.”. I probably came across as Sherlock or something.

There’s another incident I can remember. One of my classmates had forgotten his PE shorts and needed some spare. When he asked me if he could borrow mine, I paused, and then said quite sincerely, “Only if you wear underpants underneath.”

Why do I post this now? Because this happened again, recently… but that’s a story for another time. Or never. :P

Joe.

P.S. The revision is going OK. I’m doing a lot more than last year, but I seem to be scraping through. I’m not sure how my past self managed to blog so often. :P

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Hello Again

It’s the half term! Unfortunately for schools around the world, summer half term is not a holiday, but an extended cramming session. There is no respite. No break. Only tears. Only cramming.

My end of years will start the week after I return to school. Toodle pip. Jolly ho (yep, that’s a thing). Yippee. Such fun….

Help me please.

To those who have supported this blog from its humble beginnings, this will sound very familiar.  It is because, only last year, I did a similar post moaning about how terrible my end of years were.

Here we go again.

This time I prepared a revision timetable and everything… but I lazed around the whole day today. That’s fine though. I’ll just move my rest day from tomorrow to today and start my serious revision tomorrow. Right?

I am straining to think of something I can talk about, but I just went to a confession so let’s blog about that. I’ve never really liked the wait before a confession. I like people to think the best of me, so it seems strange to blurt out my flaws to a stranger. In some ways, confessing your sins to an acquaintance can be better than confessing to a stranger, because although your friend has seen your good and bad sides, the stranger’s only impression of you is that you stepped on a cat’s tail last week.

I know what I should do. I should walk through London, tap someone on the shoulder, confess some sin, like “Oh hi. I’m a narcissist.”, and then walk away. It would make for a brilliant YouTube video too.

But being me, I couldn’t do that without trying to gain some sympathy. In reality, I would apologise profusely before confessing, and then afterwards I would say sorry again and wish them a nice day.

*facepalm*

It’s not that I’m that nice a person, I just hate making a bad impression.

On the other hand, you can’t disappoint or surprise a stranger. They have no idea what standards they should judge you by. In real life, the saintly person who has, I don’t know, burned down some building would be severely frowned upon, but the priest brushes it off – he’s probably heard worse. Or the reverse (i.e. a madman who has become a born again Christian of late and has very little sins to confess).

After the confession I felt very light and all that happy stuff, so it all worked out well. ;)

What do you think of confessions in general (i.e not necessarily in the religious sense)?

Joe

P.S. My one year anniversary will be very very soon. Stay tuned for a new feature and a lot of reblogs.

Where do I start?

I have a lot to get off my chest.

I have just broken free from the endless monotony of exams and revision.

It blinded me. It scarred me. It scared me…

LOL, JK. (I hope Aliyaaaa from Three Magical doesn’t mind my use of her work. :3) But it was still pretty scary. I guess you want a run-by-run of how my exams went. If I was really stressed about them, I would hate having to relive it again, but to be honest, most of them went OK. o_O Does that make me sound like a bad person, by saying my exams were bearable, that I didn’t cry myself to sleep every night?

If you’re looking for a sob story, you’re not going to find it here. But you may still want some hankies… You know. Just in case. *Sniffles*.  Ok, here goes…
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So…

My two days of hardcore revision didn’t go as planned.

I jinxed it. ;) From now on, no more pessimistic memes.

So what happened? Where did it all go wrong?

Well, first I went to my cousin’s Holy Communion on Saturday. I vomited just as we reached the church (details make a narrative much more exciting ;)). We went to the church service, after I had gotten cleaned up but I was slightly conscious that I still smelled.

By the time we’d gotten back home, it was five o’clock. I didn’t feel like revising, because it was too late. You must understand I like to end my days lazing around not doing revision, hence this blog post. So I went to sleep.

As for Sunday, I lazed around for half the day, and then decided to do my two maths papers at 5:00. Each should have taken an hour, but because of various reasons, I finished at 10:00. -_-

I think you envy my laziness.

Somehow, I still managed to practise my music practical piece, and it went fine on the day.

Ah! I jinxed it again! Before you know it, I’ll be complaining about a hotel service…

Joe.

Savouring my freedom…

So today is my last day of freedom, BEFORE TWO WHOLE DAYS OF SOLID REVISION! If WordPress had allowed me to underline that phrase, you would be deaf.

*Rant over*. So I just came back from school. My end-of-years will be condensed into one week, which is good because I won’t have time to reflect, but bad because… it’s just bad! If I get this stressed now, I wonder how I’ll fare when my GSCEs come around. ;)

Also, I’ve decided to change my blog back to how it was. Maybe I changed themes as part of my prolonged mid-blog crisis. I thought I’d gotten over it, but apparently not. You can never escape the mid-blog crisis! To be fair it’s more of a proto-blog crisis, considering this blog is still in its infancy. I believe it’s the same crisis toddlers have, though I think some people call that the ‘Terrible Twos’. :) I digress.

What I really mean is:

Joe.

The Art Salesman!

Yesterday I had a bit of a mid-blog crisis, as you do. ;) So I’m sorry. I’ve finally decided that this will be a 50/50 sort of blog, so half of it’s about technology, and the other half is just my ramblings what comes to mind. But to the main article…

Yesterday, our house was visited by a door to door salesman.

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Sorry!

This was the best *remorseful* pic I could find that related to technology.

Sorry about the lack of posts! I guess it was a bad idea to start a blog in the half term before exam week and promise to post every day. :/ I think I might need to rethink my posting schedule. As of tomorrow, I’ll try and post at least twice a week (though not from 10 June to 13 June. For those of you who either a) are too young to have had examinations, or b) are old enough not to remember exams, they’re pretty stressful. :’¬|)

So, I can’t promise anything major before exam week (revision, revision… dah, more revision!) but I have a few ideas for the coming weeks. If I was able to hold back much information, I would keep things completely wrapped up and let you wallow in suspense until the next post, but I’m not that cruel. I might do a two part special on Easter eggs (if I get the time) and am also considering a feature called a ‘Tech Battle’. More on that later. ;)

Joe.